M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
