my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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