I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Couch. On fire.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
