were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
