Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
