Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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