I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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