jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
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