I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
It was confusing and full of hummus
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
