Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Randomize
