Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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