i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You need Xanax blowdarts
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Everyone says I win the strip club
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
