he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
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