I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
