2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
3pm strippers are depressing
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
