i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
