her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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