She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
