So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
