all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
