I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
