Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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