Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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