I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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