Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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