You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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