Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
