Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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