from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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