hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
