The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Randomize
