I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
