I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
What drink are we having for lunch?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
