what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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