I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
