Umm I'm too high to move.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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