Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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