do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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