You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
