Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
