So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
