And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
