hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
