new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
