If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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