I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
