you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
