So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
