i already hear my dad disowning me
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Randomize
