Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
