The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
