I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Randomize
