One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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