dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
