we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
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