I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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