Welp...herpes.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
