On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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