plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
