we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
