They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Randomize
