if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
